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Wednesday, March 22, 2006

And even more reasons why I should not be allowed out in public...

Picture if you will... it's this past Monday. It's 4:45, I'm at work and in about 15 minutes, I'll be heading home. I walked to the receptionist's area to put some letters in my colleagues mail boxes and as I did so, I happened upon a strange odor. See, this is not uncommon as I work in the School of Medicine and there are active labs right down the hall.

So of course I comment on this to my two colleagues that are sitting there.

Me: "Is it just me or can you smell that stuff that people line like hamster or rabbit cages with?"

Jeri and Bernice (My colleagues): *sniff the air* "No."

Me: *ponders for a second* "Man, I can really smell it!" *sniffs again*

This is when the student that is sitting in one of the chairs, filling out some paperwork, pops his head up and says:

Student: "Oh do you mean cedar chips?"

Me: "Yeah! Yeah that's exactly what it is!" *smiles at the fact that I know what I am smelling now*

Student: "Oh well, I was playing with my gerbil this morning."

Me: *insert stark, embarrassed stare here*
Me: *blink* "Oh. "

Me: *stammering pause*
Me: *blinkblinkblink*

Me: "I mean it smells nice..." *panicked pause* "Maybe it got on your bag?"
Me: *promptly flees back to my office.*

So after all that, I'm obviously ready to head home.

It's now 5pm and it's about a half mile walk to my car so I start on out and enter the mass of people all heading to the Craig Deck where I park. About half way there, I realize, the crack of my ass is itchy. And I mean -itchy-! I had on a new pair of panties and the tag was still stiff. They had only been through the washer the one time so of course, the tag still has some sharp edges. So picture it if you will... I'm wearing cotton dress pants, a trench coat, and this itch is not at the top of my crack. Oh no. It's way down in there. Deep. See, Victoria's Secret puts these huge tags on their panties for some reason that I still can't fathom. And my crack is so itchy now, I'm starting to shake and I'm sure, now I'm starting to walk funny. I try to do the 'shift my legs while I walk' dance, to alleviate the itching. No good. I try the 'pull the pants up' trick to alleviate the itching. Nope that only makes it worse.

So here I am, pondering if I want to run back up the hill into one of the bathrooms in the hospital just to scratch this itch, or if I want to do it right there and then in front of all those people (Curse my manners or I'd have done it!), or if I think I can make it to the privacy of the elevator in the deck. See the distance from where I was to the hospital and where I was to the deck, was pretty much the same. Oh it was a tough decision let me tell you...

I decide to sweat it out and nearly speed walked to the deck. Of course, this happens to be the time that the elevator is packed and I am the last one on. *sigh* So I'm breathing almost like I'm having contractions (it was ITCHY!) and when I get to my level, I fly to my car. Once in the privacy of my vehicle.... *scratchscratchscratch*. I'll bet you dollars to donughts everyone passing by could hear my sigh of relief. I even put my head back and closed my eyes. Yes, that scratch was that good! :)

So once I'm all happy and relaxed I think to myself, "hmm... that was only two things that made a fool of me today. It's normally three. I lucked out!" And happily headed home.

Yeah... well that's when I found out what the third thing was.

I got home, hugged Eric, said hello to the kitties and then turned around to head into the bedroom to change out of my work clothes. Just as I am at the door to the bedroom. Just as I am nearly completely comfortable. Just as I am pondering what lazy, comfy clothes I am going to put on and how this bad afternoon can not possible get worse because I'm home after all... I hear Eric say:

Eric: "Hey did you know your pants are split?"

Me: *turns around slowly with I'm sure was a look of disbelief* "No."

Eric: *points* "Well they are. Right on the ass."

Me: *I start to do that dance. You know the one... where you are spinning in circles, trying to look at a part of your ass you can't see yourself. Yet you keep trying.*
Me: *After about the fourth turn of this dance, runs to the bathroom to take a look at the damage in the mirror.*

And sure enough they were. A gaping three inch tear, right along the pocket seam, right on the center of my right cheek. I have no idea how long it was there. All I could think was... I was filing all day long. My ass just hanging out. Thank goodness I was wearing black panties (matched the pants) instead of the red ones I was going to wear. *schnort* Oh yeah... that would have stood out for sure...

So the moral of my story? Never even think about tempting Fate. Never question it. Just say you are ready for the third thing to hit you and just move on.

You'd have thought I had learned this lesson by now.

*shakes head*

In other news, I'm still working on my Falling Leaves socks. No pics today though. I haven't made much progress. I'll post some tomorrow once I get some real work done on them. I promise.

In other, other news, Ragan had this on her blog and well... I was tagged to do it so here goes!

Just for fun check the ones you have done.....

(x) snuck out of the house

(x) gotten lost in your city

(x) saw a shooting star
(x) been to any other countries besides the united states (Just Canada!)

(x) had a serious surgery (In January, I had ENT surgery)

(x) gone out in public in your pajamas (I have seen pictures of myself at a Pajama Jammy Jam at Aries Lounge in Raleigh and somewhere on the web, I'm sure I can be found. But I'll be damned if I can find any!) :P
(x) kissed a stranger

(x) hugged a stranger

(x) been in a fist fight

(x) been arrested (I was young and stupid. I pled guilty, paid my $250 fine and that's all you'll ever know! ) :P

( ) done drugs

(x) had alcohol

(x) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose

(x) pushed all the buttons on an elevator (I did it when I was young, and in one of the elevators in the former World Trade Center Towers in NYC.)

(x)kissed in an elevator

(x) swore at your parents but never to their faces (Hell I did it right to her face!)
(x) kicked a guy where it hurts (it was a -total- accident! After seeing the aftermath... I am now a testicle's best friend. ...Wow that just doesn't sound right...)

(x) been to a casino
( ) been skydiving
( ) broken a bone

( ) been high
(x) skinny-dipped
(x) flashed someone

(x) saw a therapist

(x) done the splits (I can't anymore.)

(x) played spin the bottle

(x) gotten stitches

( ) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour

(x) bitten someone (just last week actually...) :P

( ) been to Niagara Falls
(x) gotten the chicken pox

( ) been to Japan (Not yet, but I really want to....)

(x) ridden in a taxi

(x) been dumped

(x) shoplifted (I was 7 years old. I got caught and took it back.)

(x) been fired (And boy howdy was I happy! I hated that job!)
( ) stole something from your job
( ) gone on a blind date

(x) lied to a friend

(x) had a crush on a teacher (7th grade. His name was Mr. Henry and everyone was in love with him.)

( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans

( ) been to Europe (Not yet, but I'd really like to...)
( ) slept with a co-worker
(x) been married

( ) gotten divorced

( ) been pregnant

( ) saw someone die

( ) been to Africa

(x) Driven over 400 miles in one day (We moved cross country.)

(x) Been to Canada (Grew up 45 minutes drive from the border. Oh yeah... I've been to Canada.) :P

( ) Been to Mexico (Not yet but if all goes well, maybe sometime this year we'll go to Cozumel.)

(x) Been on a plane (Just this month too.)

(x) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) Thrown up in a bar
( ) Purposely set a part of myself on fire

(x) Eaten Sushi (I love sushi!)

( ) Been snowboarding

(x) Met someone in person from the internet (I've met a lot of people that way. ) :)

(x) Been 'moshing' at a 'rock' show

( ) Been to a moto cross show

( ) lost a child

(x) gone to college

( ) graduated from college

(x) taken painkillers

(x) love someone or miss someone right now (Eric is a flight attendant... he's in the air as I type this. He'll be home in five days...)

Well back to work! I'll post some more updates later on when I have my camera.