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Sunday, November 20, 2005

Let the purging begin.

I've been a bad blogger... neglecting my readers. But I have a good excuse. I have a friend of mine that is no longer my friend. By his choice. Let me tell you how and why...

As some of you may know, Eric and I have known a guy named Nik. We've known him for about five years now and about every four to six months during those five years, he has decided he is either angry at or offended by myself or Eric, or both. For about a week or two, he pouts and ignores us and then out of the blue, we get a text message, an instant message or a call, asking for forgiveness, saying sorry or what have you and then all is well with him and us. Mind you... through all of this, we agonize because we do both care for him rather deeply. And every few months it seems, he needs to be reminded of this.

The most recent flip out of his occurred this past Thursday. I was at work and he and Eric were chatting via instant messenger. Suddenly, I get a message from Nik that says something along the lines of:

"Since it hurts me too much emotionally and physically to be friends with Eric, then I am no longer friends with you either."

It was about three lines longer than that, but that's the gist of it. So, as I have done many times before, I tried to get to the heart of what was upsetting him this time. After an hour and a half of back and forth messaging, he tells me it is because Eric doesn't tell him that he is friends with Nik. Because Eric hasn't said "Nik you are my friend" to him recently.


I asked him something along the lines of what about all the hugs Eric gives you? Or the gifts? Or the conversations he has with you? Nope, none of these count because Eric doesn't call him and Eric isn't friends with him on "his terms". (Direct quote.)


Nik told me that he has not doubt that Eric and I love him but it's too hard for him to be friends with us because we don't express our friendship directly to him, enough.


So changing the way we cooked dinner once a week for an entire year to accommodate his wanting to be a vegetarian isn't caring? Never, ever lying to him when others would just to save his feelings isn't caring? Hugs and gifts isn't caring? Laughter and sharing of stories isn't caring? His reply was it wasn't enough and he would like all his stuff he loaned us back.




I tell you, he could have punched me in the stomach and it wouldn't have hurt as much. So I decided, I don't care anymore. I am tired of feeling like this with him every few months. Don't I as a friend, deserve better than that? I think I do. But this has put me in a bit of another dilemma because I was knitting him some gloves for Chrismahanakwanzakayule and now, to look at that yarn just causes pain and sadness now. So I've put the yarn away. It will wait until it tells me what it wants to be and then and only then will I knit anything with it. It's in a dark bag, at the bottom of one of my yarn bins where it will sit until it calls to me.


It was hard to do anything this weekend. It's preoccupied my mind most of the time. But after consulting some folks on the
Who Wouldn't Love a Hand Knitted Gift? knit-along, I decided to just purge myself of these negative feelings. I'll tell you it wasn't easy! I've split up with people I have had sex with easier than this!


So on Saturday, I saw him at a mutual friend of our's house and I gave him all his stuff back. He acted like nothing had happened. I couldn't wait to get out of there. It hurt me way too much to be there.

Goodbye Nik. Good luck.

Wow I feel better. So after finally coming to that decision, I decided to finish my Clapotis and block it. :)

Here it is finished:

Here it is blocking:

Gotta love those dropped stitches:

And now it's good to go! :) I'll wear it to work tomorrow. I hope it's cold enough to wear it... :P And yes Ragan, those are Eric's old sheets from when he was a boy. :)

The afghan is coming along. I've plotted the chart for the Harley Davidson hat for my Father in Law (thanks for the idea with that one too Ragan!) and I've decided to shadow knit a scarf for his wife that has Rusty Wallace's "2" in it. She's a huge fan of Nascar and Rusty.

I'll post pics of all the other progress tomorrow. Pinky swear! :) I've got knitting to get to.